Earlier this year I published a piece on loving your body & the fact that it’s not always a thing. I talked a bit about my past eating disorder & how it’s affected me. Toxic relationships with food might be one of the hardest things to get out of, only because it’s ~always there~.
Oh hello, hi! Let's chat for a sec. Don't worry, you're not in trouble. Stop sweating.
I always try to be as transparent as possible on this space, no bs. (I learned from the best) Which means sometimes being real on things outside my comfort zone. So, let's talk realness, shall we?
Fact: For every "good" outfit photo, there are 98564 deleted ones.
Fact: Body positvity is way freaking easier said than done.
I'm not gonna preach to you about "learning to love your flaws" because right now I feel like that's not easy. It's really freaking hard. (I've been watching too much Grey's, love ya Karev)
BUT. There is so much more freedom in not caring, in finding happiness in your own ways. If I could go back and make myself realize that, it would've saved so much wasted time & anxiety & weird compromises with myself that don't make sense like "I skipped lunch so it's okay if I have this chocolate." (????)
I don't want you to have wasted time.
ANYWAY, WDAC's Hallmark moment of the day over. Onto the outfit.....
So it's a little early for a floral crush. Sue me. I couldn't resist the floral crop I found (on sale!) at H&M. The lace trim detailing draws the eye in, and a collar gives it a polished feel.
High waisted shorts are one of my favorite pairings with a shorter blouse, but skinnies or an edgy skirt look chic as well. This look is pretty versatile, which for me means it'll be sticking around awhile. New bffs.....
Oh hi, hello. It's 2016 Kaeleen, being like every blogger today and talking about the new year. I don't know what it is about it, but new year's (and the holidays in general) turns me into a reflecting, sentimental ball of emotions. It's the same feeling I get listening to songs from back in my mix cd making middle school days. I can't help it.
I am a Cancer, after all.
This time last year seems like a lifetime ago and it seems like it was just last week. Time is funny like that. 2015 was a weird year, (but aren't they all?) and there was both endless dark and endless light. The mirror sees a different person, but she's still the same. Just a little bit wiser and a little bit happier. Still growing.
I'm so used to looking back, regretting, wishing. Now I choose to look ahead, and I wish the same for you. My little catchphrase, if you will, for this year is simple:
Even numbers are my lucky ones, so I'm counting on you '16. Let's go.
Don't overwork it, don't deprive it. Treat it well.
It's the only one God made for you.
I've spent so much time putting my body through crap when I should be trying to just make it healthy. I'm so sick of how much emphasis is put on weight and achieving the "perfect body." {There's no such thing, by the way}
The emphasis should be on loving your body and treating it well. Don't ever feel like you're not deserving of a beautiful, healthy life.
You are. It's your body, it's your life. Love them both.
Remember that episode of Friends when the girls came across that book entitled Be Your Own Windkeeper? In my opinion, that's what we should all be doing. Keeping our own wind. Okay, maybe I should put it in a way that doesn't sound so..... '90s. Living life on your own terms. Yeah. There we go.
So many times I think the idea of having someone come save you and make everything better is a little too romanticized. Don't get me wrong, surrounding yourself with people who care about you is important, but baby, you're your own hero. It's just as important to live your life the way that you want and to make it better. Create some magic.
// Set intentions.
In yoga, it helps to create an intention of why you're on the mat. It can be anything that keeps you on the mat through the tough poses and sweat. We should set intentions for all aspects of life as well. It creates motivation and if you have an intention, you have an endgame. From there you can figure out how to get to the endgame.
// Don't take BS.
This has been hard for me over the years. I'm shy. I hate confrontation. I'm a people pleaser. That combination has led to me letting people take advantage of me too many times. Don't do that to yourself. If someone is giving you BS, call them out. ASAP.
//Cut out the toxic people.
This kind of goes along with the BS thing, but it is so important to only have positive people in your life who support you. Don't ever feel bad for letting go of someone who is toxic to your mental health or your thinking. Take control of who you keep in your life.
//Let go.
Never let someone tell you how to live your life. You are the only one who gets to choose your beliefs, your friends, your fashion sense, your music preferences, your way of living. Learn to be happy in that. Everything is so much easier and more beautiful when you live the way you want to and when you learn to be the hero of your own story.
If present day me had told high school me that I would end up taking a {very long} break from college and move back home on some sort of journey of self discovery, high school me would've laughed. She would've rolled her eyes and said firmly, "No. I'm graduating in four years. That's that."
The thing is, not everything works out the way you plan. Life happens and sometimes you end up losing yourself along the way. What happens then? When you can't remember the person you used to be but you want so desperately to go back to that person? You have to start over in a way, and the thought can be overwhelming.
I think it's all about becoming free. Finding yourself is kind of an art, just like a lot of things in life. There's a line in the chorus of the song "New Romantics" by Taylor Swift that says "The best people in life are free," and I saw a tumblr post {If I could find it again I'd link it} talking about how this person thinks maybe the line means that the best people are those who are confident and good and who have been able to find themselves. And because of that, they are free. I can't be sure what Taylor was thinking when she wrote that line- this could totally be like in english class when the teacher is sure a line about apples is all metaphorical when really the author just wanted to write about apples. I don't know. But I like the idea of setting yourself free by finding who you are.
Falling in love with your life is a slow, long process, but it seems like once you get there you seem to just radiate happiness and confidence and none of the little stuff matters anymore. I think that I'm finding myself little by little each day, in the things that bring me joy and light and laughter. What things bring that for you? Do them. Do them everyday, even if you don't feel like it.
Fake it. Surround yourself with only good people. Say yes more. Soon you'll start to see glimpses of the person you used to be.
I believe that when you've truly found yourself, you become both who you once were and someone totally new. That's the most beautiful part.
Taking care of yourself is important, and mental care is no different. I recommend taking one day a week and declaring it a "you day," but doing things to make you feel better on the particularly tough days is important as well. If you're not quite sure where to start, these are some of my favorite self care methods.
Set the mood. No, not that kind of setting the mood. When you're feeling blah, set things up that can make your mood lighter. Light your favorite candles, set up the record player, {or whatever you listen to music on} anything that makes your heart a little bit happier.
Paint your nails. I don't know what it is about the process of painting your nails, but it's always therapeutic to me. Grab a color that you love and paint away.
Downward dog it out. There are all kinds of studies out there that show yoga is good for your mental health, and at least for me, it's very true. The concentration on the breath/ movement flow helps to soothe your mind and can also make you less anxious. If you're new to the yoga thing, there are tons of dvds and youtube videos that can help get you going.
Watch a comfort show. When I watch Gilmore Girls, it feels like home. Cheesy? Yes. But also true. It's like I'm right there in Stars Hollow and it's the most comforting feeling. What show makes you feel that way? Watch it.
Get creative. If you're a writer, write. If you're an artist, make your art. Whatever you like to do creatively is a great source of inspiration and positive vibes.
Remember that the bad days are temporary. Rough times are going to happen and it's okay. It's not a forever thing.
Take care of yourself. You matter. What do you like to do for self care?
You know how the story goes. You've been shopping for hours and have found the perfect pieces that you just know will look amazing, and all that's left to do is try it all on. You walk into the dressing room and begin the process. After a few try-ons it becomes increasingly clear that absolutely nothing looks good, and so you're left feeling unsuccessful and defeated.
Yeah. I hate it too. It can take the fun out of shopping, and for me, that is just not acceptable. Luckily, there are things that you can do to help out your confidence in the dressing room.
1// Bring a friend. Somehow everything is better with a friend, shopping included. Bring someone who's opinion you can trust and who will reassure you when you're second guessing yourself.
2// Eat something light beforehand. Obviously, if you were to eat say, a full-course steak meal, you would feel bloated and clothes will end up looking less than fabulous. You should definitely eat so that you're not shopping on an empty, grumpy stomach, but save the heavy stuff for an after-shopping treat.
3// Look at things from another perspective. We are often our worst critics. Add in full length mirrors that aren't always the most flattering and everything is distorted. Try picturing yourself as another person and look at yourself and your outfit from their perspective. Chances are things won't look so harsh anymore.
4// Breathe. An outfit doesn't define you. Clothing sizes don't define you either. If certain things don't work for you, that's okay. Instead of focusing on the things that don't work, think of what your favorite pieces have in common. Play those up. And work it.
Today, my heart is broken and there is little to say. I'm not going to tell you all the things about suicide I'm sure you've heard so many times before. But I am going to tell you that if you're struggling, please talk. Speak out. Ask for help. It will be one of the hardest things you ever do, but it will be so worth it.
The world is a little less funny now, but always remember this:
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." -Robin Williams.
I've been in a bit of a writing funk the past few days. If you blog, I know you know what I mean. Most times ideas will flow through your brain like there's no tomorrow, but sometimes the ideas are few and far between.
There have been times when I don't know what to write and get tempted to just throw something together, but I'd much rather just not have anything for the day than something that my heart wasn't totally in. I'll be the first to admit that I put too much pressure on myself to be perfect and write perfect things.
Today was supposed to be an outfit post. I didn't like the photos or the way I looked in them. It wasn't "perfect" so I gave up on it.
The concept of perfect is abstract, but there really is no such thing. There is no perfect life. Perfect body. Perfect wardrobe. Perfect writing. Perfect anything. We can only be the best version of ourselves. Live your life with grace instead of striving to be perfect. Do you. There's no one better.
I feel like in this society, everybody tries so hard. I'll be the first to admit that I do. But really, when you think about it, what's the point?
Who are you trying for? It's rarely for our own selves. It took me a long time to realize the belief that you have to fit into a certain mold or do certain things to be beautiful is a straight up lie. However, it's a lie that's easy to get caught up in and hard to get out of.
But here's the truth: Being who you really are is the most beautiful thing you can be. You don't have to try so hard, love. The people that truly matter are the ones that look at you like you're so special, because you are.
Why should you care what they think of you? When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?
I hope you do.
Jump then fall. That short little sentence seems so easy to do when Taylor Swift sings it, but in reality it's not so simple. I cannot count the number of times that I should have jumped, but chose not to because fear was holding me back. That's not the kind of life anyone should live.
If you know me behind this little blog, then you probably know that I have anxiety. If you didn't know that, now you do. For me, taking the easy way has seemed like the only option for many years. I remember going to sleepovers as a kid, only to end up calling my mom in the middle of the night to come and get me simply because I was out of my comfort zone. Looking back I wonder how much I missed out on by not riding out the night with my friends. I think that was the beginning of my "play it safe" attitude. If I stick close to what I know, play it safe, then I can't get hurt or fail, right?
I feel like that way of thinking has stopped me from doing a lot of things over the years. There have been many times when I've had opportunities to do really fun things and even though part of me wanted to do them, I ended up saying no and staying with the "safe" route. Why would I want to go out and do things and talk to people when I could be at home? I would rather snuggle under my covers with some sweet tea and Gilmore Girls. Part of that's the anxiety, and part of it's just my personality. I've always been a homebody and an introvert, and that's okay. What's not okay is always hiding under the covers, away from the world. Life will pass you by without you even realizing it.
My sister told me not too long ago, "The things that scare you are the things you should do." That, of course, comes with a limit. If you're scared of the things you want to do because they're say, not legal, then you probably shouldn't do them. I'm talking about the good kind of scary, if there is such a thing. Your dreams, the things you've thought about for so long but tucked away into a little box in the back of your mind because even thinking about those things terrifies you. For me, it's on a smaller scale as well, something as simple as gathering up the courage to go into a new social situation. How will you ever meet new people if you don't talk to them?
I think part of recovering, from anything really, is saying yes to things that scare you. Getting out of your comfort zone is not very fun to think about, but I think it's the only way sometimes. Take baby steps to your goals, whether it's talking to a cute boy or going somewhere you haven't been before. Jump and fall into new adventures. Push yourself. {healthily}
Making memories is a wonderful part of life and you should never let anxiety or other things that you deal with keep you from living beautifully.
I think it takes a lot to admit we're in need of grace. But the truth is, we all need it, for it is by His grace that we are able to live, to be free of the demons that haunt us, whatever they may be.
"By the grace of God I am what I am."
I put one foot in front of the other,
and I looked in the mirror and decided to stay.
Oh how I thank the Lord for His beautiful and perfect grace. Because of it, we are able to pick ourselves back up and be okay again. Because of it, we are free from the sins that weigh us down. Because of it, we are renewed.
I recently decided to reread my favorite book, The Truth About Forever. I think the story is so beautiful and the quote that kinda blows me away is *spoiler alert* the last paragraph of the book:
"That was the thing. You just never knew. Forever was so many different things. It was always changing, it was what everything was really all about. It was twenty minutes, or a hundred years, or just this instant, or any instant I wished would last and last. But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening." -Sarah Dessen I think that is the truth about forever. There really is no one definition. It's just there, and it's happening all around you, at every second. And you'd better start making your forever count, because it could all end in a second. Take risks. Fall in love. Be fearless. Live.
Happy July! I can't believe the heat of the summer is already here. I wish I could say I've been going and conquering, but really I'm just here, doing my thing. There's so much I long to do though, and I've been thinking lately:
Why not do them?
I believe that having dreams and desires keeps you sane. They can also keep you insane, but the good kind. If you don't have dreams, what do you have? I also believe there's a reason we have certain desires. God wants us to live them out. I shared something on my tumblr yesterday that I've been feeling:
"I crave adventure and coffee shop dates and laughter and long summer nights and cool autumn days. I crave lazy Sunday afternoons in the sun and reading good books and loving a person so deeply your heart aches in the best way. I crave life."
Don't lose your dreams. Find beauty in the simplest of things and do what you crave the most. You have the ability to make your life beautiful. Well, even more beautiful than it is already.
I believe happiness is an abstract concept. It means so many different things to different people, and people make themselves happy in all kinds of ways. When you're in a season of sadness, making yourself happy seems kind of impossible.
But I've realized something. It's only impossible if I make it that way. Sure, I can't magically be all smiles and rainbows 24/7, but surrounding yourself with positivity can most definitely help. And lemme tell you something else.
You can make yourself happy by pretending you're happy. Fake it 'til ya make it, am I right? Personally, up until recently, that whole concept felt like I was lying to myself. But it's not really lying so much as taking the first steps toward your own version of happiness. A couple weeks ago, after another long day of trying and failing to not feel sorry for myself, to not let loneliness get to me, I had enough.
I came up with a new plan of sorts, and wrote it down.
No more of this woe is me business. No more being afraid to give my fears to God. (Kind of ironic, don't ya think?) It's time I create the life that I want, the happiness that I crave.
{via me}
Why should you settle? If you're unhappy, change it. Start doing more of the things that make you happy. For me, it's all about the simple things.
The first sip of coffee in the mornings.
Getting lost in a book.
The beauty in laying in bed with no sound but my record player.
Wearing lipstick + listening to Arctic Monkeys (It makes me feel like I can conquer the world)
The same kinds of things might make you feel good, or it could be completely different. It doesn't matter.
What matters is that you take your life and make it what you want it to be.
As for me? I'm pretty complicated, and that's okay.
So right now I think I want to be a little happy,
a little free,
a little confused,
and a little lonely.
