Comin' at you with a non-style post today, huh? I like to catch you off guard. 

When it comes to my anxiety there is a lot of up & down, and I've found a pretty good balance of coping methods over the years. Breathing, chatting with a friend, writing, having a bath... you get the gist. A few years ago I found that working out seemed to help, but I was never super consistent. 

ANXIETY GROUNDING PRACTICES THAT ACTUALLY WORK

Sometimes advice on anxiety can have the best intentions, but it just makes you feel worse in the end. 'Have you tried yoga?' (not to discredit yoga, it is amazing) 'Just stop worrying!' HA if only it were that easy! There are a lot of techniques that work, however, and the focus is on grounding. 

Here are the biggest ones I've found to work: (remember that everyone is different & what is helpful for someone else might not work for you! try different things until you find your groove)

1// Touch your shoulder, wiggle your fingers and toes. Touch whatever is closest to you. What does it feel like? Tell yourself that you are here, in this moment.

2// Most of the time this one is known as '5, 4, 3, 2, 1' where you touch five things, smell four things, etc, but keeping up with numbers gets me out of focus, so I just do one thing for each sense. Inhale. What's the first thing you smell? Look around, the first thing you see? Etc. This is another way of getting back to yourself, remembering that you are present, in real time. 

& it's my go-to practice, because it HELPS most of the time!

3// Instead of trying to shove it away, acknowledge the anxiety is there and see if you can pinpoint why. Look around, and remind yourself that nothing bad is actually happening. Focus on your breath and the fact that your heart is beating. You're okay. Sometimes there is no why, & that's okay. Still focus on your breath, your heartbeat.   

4// Sometimes the last thing you want to do in the middle of an anxiety attack is breathe, but a good breathing exercise can be key. Breathe in for four breaths, hold for seven, and breathe out for eight. It seems impossible, but focusing on the count can help you get back to the present. Repeat until you feel calmer. 

The recurring theme in all these practices is coming back to the present. That is key when anxiety hits, because it makes us feel out of control, like we don't know what's happening anymore and all logic is out the window. But the reality is, you're here, and you're okay. 

xo,

kae

WHAT MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT

I've thought of a lot of different ways to write this post. Should I write it all, how do I format it, etc etc... the questions were running through my head in a way that I realized, later than I should have, was anxiety. Anxiety affects my life in tiny little ways all the time.

The subject of mental illness used to be so taboo that it was completely swept under the rug, & in extreme cases people with the illness were just locked in a mental hospital, deemed to difficult too deal with. Even though there is still a stigma attached today, we are becoming increasingly more open on the topic, which is incredible to me. The more we talk about it, the more normalized it will become. The more likely people will be to get help when necessary & they are less likely to feel alone.

However, I've noticed that with this newfound sense of openness has come casualness. Phrases like 'I'm so depressed’ & ‘my ocd is kicking in’ have become commonplace and while it's great that the stigma is going away, we shouldn’t just toss those words around like an empty starbucks cup.

There must be a happy medium somewhere, right?

So in honor of world mental health day, here is what mental illness is not:

1// It's not a personality indicator. Maybe this one is more for me, because I find myself wearing the identifier ANXIETY on my chest like Hester Prynn donned the A that stood for something else. Don't get me wrong, it's good to be able to joke about your mental state & not let it get the best of you. (or at least pretend it doesn't.) But it's not our entire identity, even though most times it feels like it takes up our whole life. You are so much more than any illness.

2// It's not an excuse to be a sh*t person, or to treat people like they're disposable. We still know right from wrong. Never let the phrase 'it's not me, it's my illness,' slip from your vocabulary. Own your mistakes and learn from them.

3// It's not fun. It's not a cute, quirky thing worthy of desire. It's ugly and leaves a taste with which I equate to how week old trash smells.

It's tear-stained pillows and mascara-streaked cheeks, messages left on read because you feel too ill to respond, laying on the bathroom floor, isolation, fear, anger.

I say all this to say, it's okay to not be okay. Know yourself enough to know if you need help, & please, for the love of everything, stop saying OCD if you do not have OCD. (I'm looking at you, khloe k)

xo,

kae

ANXIETY: AN UPDATE

It's been awhile since I've had a chat about my anxiety, & it's mental health awareness month so I thought I'd give it another go:

Over the past year or so with the help of a therapist, I've been able to really pinpoint my triggers (the ones I didn't already know) & figure out what coping methods work & don't work for me. I can honestly say I'm in a really good place right now, with super lovely friends I could go on & on about. I'm being more mindful, focusing on the little things that are in reality the big things. I'm laughing more, belly-full & genuinely.

I'm still anxious.

I'm anxious when I'm idle, I'm anxious when I'm busy. I'm anxious when I'm in the middle of an eight hour retail shift & when I'm in the middle of a three hour netflix binge. Anxiety is a huge part of my life, but it's not the only part. It's not the important part of who I am & it's always a work in progress, figuring out what works & sometimes taking one step forward & three panic attacks steps back. 

For a bit I was hard on myself when I regressed, which only ended up making things worse. It was an endless cycle of negative self-talk & feeling like I had somehow failed, which just started the cycle over again. I wasn't naive to believe that once I learned coping methods everything would be roses and sunshine, but sometimes it's like WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??

I'm learning to cut myself a break, whether it be figuratively or literally or both. A mental illness like anxiety never quite leaves completely, there are just good periods & bad periods & it's how you deal with them that matters, like most things in life. I like to live my life with good coffee & even better friends, loud music & even louder laughter, and that is something I'll take with the bad any day. 

I now allow myself to wallow on the 'bad anxiety days.' Sometimes I accomplish nothing but watching episodes of gilmore girls I've seen fifty times, (NEVER GETS OLD, OK) & that's okay because I know there'll be 'good anxiety days'; the days I forget all the horror in the world, all my worries & just be. 

That exists. So don't be so hard on yourself, ok?

xo,

Tips on easing flight anxiety

If you're like me with anxiety, flying is probably not a preferred traveling method. Every time I'm on a plane, it seems I'm on edge and can never fully enjoy the flight, no matter how much I want to.

It's almost like that Friends scene where Phoebe calls Rachel to tell her there's something wrong with the left phalange and the guy sitting next to her overhears and freaks out.

"This plane doesn't even have a phalange!"

I'm that guy always.

I'm already feeling uneasy about the impending flight to Florida (I suppose this post is a bit of therapy for myself) and while I haven't figured out the magic secret that doesn't involve some benadryl, I have found a few courses of action to take a chill pill. (Metaphorical this time)

Prepare. Treat the morning/ day of your flight like any other. Go through your routine, get your coffee... don't think of the traveling as some big event.

Music. Music is comforting to me in any situation, particularly music of the Taylor Swift variety. If you're listening to a song or artist that chills you out or is familiar to you, you're more likely to focus on that than the stressful situation. Earphones in, airplane mode on, aaand go.

All the books. If you're not one to get motion sick while reading in a car or plane, be sure a good book is in your carry on. (Or two, depending on your flight length) You'll need something light and fun like Mamrie Hart's book. I've been saving my copy for travel day because it's impossible not to laugh when Mamrie is involved.

Imagine yourself at your final destination. This one seems so simple, but I think it can really help. Picture yourself already there, safe and sound. What do you have planned once you get there? Get lost in it and you'll be landing before you can say "more wine please."

Pray + think good thoughts. Another little thing, but I always say a prayer beforehand and once I'm on the plane. Make positive thoughts float through your mind and stay there. I'll make it through this flight. It's only _____ long. Everybody will be safe. Etc. etc.....

Check your safety. Take mental note of where the oxygen masks and flotation devices are, and it can be helpful to make a quick plan of action just in case. 

Acknowledge your feelings. Let the anxiety manifest for a moment, and then breathe. You can distract yourself and focus on coping methods, but don't forget that acknowledging how you feel is important as well.

Do any of you deal with flight anxiety? Tell me how you do it! I'm curious. (And okay, I'm also up for new suggestions)

Dealing with anxiety

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The first memory I have of feeling anxious is being five years old and terrified of being late to school. I was never late to school, yet every morning in the car I would freak out. I remember my stomach being in knots and feeling sick. And I cried. A lot. Of course, back then I had no idea what anxiety was or that what I was feeling was out of the ordinary. So I just went with it. And let me tell you, living with anxiety isn't easy in the first place, let alone when you don't even know you have it. When there was finally a name for it, I felt relieved, like "oh, this is what I have and I can deal with it." Unfortunately, there's no miracle pill for anxiety disorder. No shot you can take that makes you feel instantly at ease. If there was, I would get it in a second. And I hate shots. 

Everyone gets spouts of anxiety of times. That nervousness you feel before a major test, the big game, or you perform on stage? That's a normal part of the fight or flight response. So how do you know what's not normal when it comes to anxiety?

Feelings of panic or fear
Nausea 
Irritability
Fatigue
Dizziness

These are just some of the symptoms that come with anxiety disorder, and they can interfere with your everyday life.

Anxiety is such a difficult thing to explain to people. Sometimes I don't even fully understand it, so how could I explain it to someone else? I do know that it's different for everyone, but somehow still so similar. The racing heart. The feeling of absolute dread, that everything around you is caving in. It can be crippling and isolating. Living with this disorder can make you become depressed, which can increase the anxiety, which can make you more depressed, and then it's like this awful maze that you just can't seem to find your way out of. So what do you do?

Self care is really important and I've found that if I'm feeling especially anxious, doing something soothing can be therapeutic for me and calm the anxiety. Anything you can do to get your mind off the anxious feeling is helpful, really.

I used to never attempt breathing exercises because none of them worked for me, but recently I saw a post on tumblr that talked about breathing in for four seconds, holding for seven, and then exhaling for eight. I thought I might as well try it, and it actually does help. I haven't tried it in the midst of a bad attack, but if I'm feeling like one might come on, I take a second and breathe.

If you're in a place you can listen to music, listen to it. It honestly makes a world of difference.

Talking it out can be helpful as well. I don't know how many times I've had to call my mom and have her talk me down. Sometimes just venting and telling someone your worries can be calming. However, only come to people who you trust and who are willing to help and not judge you.

If someone you love suffers with anxiety, I recommend doing as much research on it as possible. It's impossible to understand it 100% unless you experience it, but you can be knowledgeable on the subject. Be there for the person with open ears and arms. Never trivialize their fears or tell them to "just stop worrying." That does no good. Most importantly, please understand that we don't want to have anxiety. But it's there and it's not gonna be leaving anytime soon.

You are not alone in your anxiety, or any mental illness for that matter. It's so much easier said than done, but you can't let it control you. You're so much more than "that person with the anxiety." Remember that.

Jump then fall

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Jump then fall. That short little sentence seems so easy to do when Taylor Swift sings it, but in reality it's not so simple. I cannot count the number of times that I should have jumped, but chose not to because fear was holding me back. That's not the kind of life anyone should live.

If you know me behind this little blog, then you probably know that I have anxiety. If you didn't know that, now you do. For me, taking the easy way has seemed like the only option for many years. I remember going to sleepovers as a kid, only to end up calling my mom in the middle of the night to come and get me simply because I was out of my comfort zone. Looking back I wonder how much I missed out on by not riding out the night with my friends. I think that was the beginning of my "play it safe" attitude. If I stick close to what I know, play it safe, then I can't get hurt or fail, right?

I feel like that way of thinking has stopped me from doing a lot of things over the years. There have been many times when I've had opportunities to do really fun things and even though part of me wanted to do them, I ended up saying no and staying with the "safe" route. Why would I want to go out and do things and talk to people when I could be at home? I would rather snuggle under my covers with some sweet tea and Gilmore Girls. Part of that's the anxiety, and part of it's just my personality. I've always been a homebody and an introvert, and that's okay. What's not okay is always hiding under the covers, away from the world. Life will pass you by without you even realizing it.

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My sister told me not too long ago, "The things that scare you are the things you should do." That, of course, comes with a limit. If you're scared of the things you want to do because they're say, not legal, then you probably shouldn't do them. I'm talking about the good kind of scary, if there is such a thing. Your dreams, the things you've thought about for so long but tucked away into a little box in the back of your mind because even thinking about those things terrifies you. For me, it's on a smaller scale as well, something as simple as gathering up the courage to go into a new social situation. How will you ever meet new people if you don't talk to them? 

I think part of recovering, from anything really, is saying yes to things that scare you. Getting out of your comfort zone is not very fun to think about, but I think it's the only way sometimes. Take baby steps to your goals, whether it's talking to a cute boy or going somewhere you haven't been before. Jump and fall into new adventures. Push yourself. {healthily}

Making memories is a wonderful part of life and you should never let anxiety or other things that you deal with keep you from living beautifully. 

I think that Zoella says it best: