If 25 is a quarter-life crisis, 26 is a prelude into the late-twenties apocalypse, during which time you find yourself fighting the monsters of questioning your career, your future, and every decision you've ever made. Oh and don't forget the dreaded insurance! I'm pretty sure there is a circle of hell in which you're stuck searching for your own insurance on a loop.

Surprisingly, the enemy of age wasn't always considered such a foe. As a growing child I looked at adulthood with wistfulness, something that exuded sophistication and happiness and everyone got what they wanted, because that's what happens when you're an adult, right? (I know you are very much laughing out loud at this point. Don't worry, so am I) Cut to roughly fifteen years later and instead I find myself looking back at my youth with the kind of wistfulness in my eyes that our parents had when they would inevitably tell us about "the good old days." 

It's not that I miss my adolescence. In fact, I'm quite glad it's been left behind, as it hurt in the ways only adolescence mixed with a touch of mental illness can. The thing I do miss is the simpleness of it all. The feeling that you had all the time in the world and that anything could be solved with some Dashboard Confessional and the latest episode of The Hills. Sometimes the tiniest bit of regret creeps in for not living more freely during this time, and now that I can actually live freely in the name of travel and adventure and experience, I'm held back. Held back by the commitment of a full time job, responsibilities, money, and okay yeah, maybe some fear.

And so I wonder and I dream. I think we have a tendency to romanticize the things we haven't done, and to the world that can look like unhappiness. But does it have to be? Can it be okay to be in the present and still do a bit of longing? The thing is that I'm terrified of the future and so I get stuck in the past, in a maze of nostalgia and what ifs. But I don't think it has to be a bad thing. In a way I think it moves me forward, plucks me from my comfort zone and forcing me to live- because as much as we may want otherwise, we're always running out of time. 

Or are we? 

It's a slippery little slope, but contrary to belief, we don't have to have it all figured out yet. Maybe one day. 

The Biggest Thing I Learned During My Twenty Fourth Year

Ah, the birthday post. They come around every year, much like my women's day posts and like those posts, I write with a sense of sentimentality (I am a Cancer, after all) and it's big this year, as I'm hitting twenty five. Officially mid-twenties, (or I've already been in it, according to some of my google search) officially five years until I hit my thirties. 

THIS IS TWENTY FOUR.

While looking at my previous birthday posts for a bit of ~inspiration~, I came across the one dated June 26th, 2014. My twentieth birthday. 

THE TWENTY THIRD YEAR.

Two events during the year cause me to get deeply introspective & reflective; new year's & my birthday. It's strange how each year comes & goes, slow paced & rushed at the same time. Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday I was turning sixteen, and in many ways it feels like a lifetime ago.
'If I knew then what I know now' is such a cliche thing, but if I knew then what I know now.... I can't even tell you how much lighter teenage kae would've felt. 
Happier. Freer. I guess that's the point of aging, though, learning what matters & how to grow & love & breathe.
Some things I've learned this twenty second year:
Surround yourself with good energy It's true what they say; you become the people you spend time with. If you're with negative nancys or energy-suckers all the time, it's eventually going to drain you. Be picky with who you choose to let in & give your energy to. 
& once you choose your people.... hold on to them!
Life isn't on a timeline No matter what society makes you think, you don't have to have done this or that in life by a certain time. NEVER do something just because it's what you're "supposed to." 
Carve your own path, even if it looks vastly different than those around you. It's not a race.
Give yourself a break You will fail & make SO MANY mistakes. We're human, it's what we do. 
It's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person. With each mistake and failure God gives us an opportunity to grow. If all you can accomplish some days is pushing the 'next episode' button, you're not a failure for that. 
Life is a balancing act.
HERE'S TO TWENTY THREE. (lowkey sad '22' is no longer my theme song okay byyeee)
xo,

Twenty Two.

We're a mere two days away from my twenty-second birthday, and I feel like birthdays always bring a sense of reflection, kinda like new year's. It's a chance for a fresh start and beginning a new chapter. Turns out I've learned a lot over the years, & the thing I wanted to focus on today is the art of letting go of the things that cannot be changed. 

Well, I guess I should say I'm in the process of learning this and probably always will be. Because, let's face it, when you've got a mind that never shuts off and a jaw that is constantly clenched, feeling out of control can be the worst thing possible. I am constantly worrying, to the point of driving myself crazy.

But I'm learning to let go.

(here's a piece of irony for ya- this is the second time I'm writing this because in the middle of the first time I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED EVERYTHING. tears were held back.)

There are so many things in this life that are beyond our control, so what's the point of focusing on them? I'd rather focus on what I can control, like my work ethic (always a work in progress) & the way I treat people. My vibe. The way I handle different situations. THOSE are real goals to set and keep your mind on. 

None of this what if stuff.

Or so I say.

SO, what should I focus on for twenty-two?

+ the things I can change & make better

+ immersing myself in the world

+ BREATHING a bit.

+ more breakfast at midnight. and falling in love with strangers. (uh, oh)

details:

dress | xhilaration (in stores, similar here & here)

shoes | soda (similar here & here)

choker | f21 (similar)

sunglasses | target

lips | nyx

xo,

21 things in 21 years.

{21 years of chic}

Twenty one years of life brings a plethora of lessons and mistakes that can shape you in more ways than one. 

That sounded a little too philosophical for a Friday. Sorry.

Anyway, while I don't have the life thing down 100%, (who does?) there are some lessons, tricks, mantras, etc. I've learned along the way that make it a little easier. 

21 things I've learned in 21 years:

1// You're more than what you were in high school.

2// You're never going to be everyone's cup of tea. It doesn't matter. Keep doing you.

3// Perms aren't for me everyone.

4// Magic does exist and it's a thing called coffee.

5// Coconut oil changes everything.

6// You don't find happiness by looking ahead or back on your life. You find it when you look around. {Thanks for this one, Taylor}

7// Your soul becomes so much more free once you let go of negativity and jealousy. 

8// No one can bring you confidence but you.

9// Finding your creativity can open up so many doors.

10// Not everyone is blessed with the pinterest gene. {AKA doing impossible diy's}

11// Fashion is an art form.

12// Early mornings aren't so bad. It's just the getting out of the bed that's awful.

13// No matter how long I've lived here, I'll never understand Texas weather.

14// Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever.

15// Speak out on the things you're passionate about and believe in.

16// Cutting your hair is a little bit exhilarating. 

17// You'll always regret staying up until 2 am.

18// No matter how much you try to fight it, you'll never be able to leave Target empty-handed.

19// Your parents are usually probably right.

20// Be good to people. Compliment them. Be a light.

21// Life's short, talk fast. {Name that show}

And so, this is 21.

Bits + Baubles and a birthday wishlist

{Dog hair is part of the aesthetic now}

{Dress: Target | Vest: Papaya | Boots: Ariat}

Hi hello. Happy Friday!

I'm slowly emerging from my OITNB haze- I've got two episodes left of this season. {I know, I know, fallin down on the job} So much has gone down already... I knew it was all gonna go downhill when Bennett up and took off. That was my first clue.

Don't even get me started on Piper. 

Am I like, the slowest binge watcher ever or is anyone else still with me? 

{Next read}

{Vest: F21 | Shorts: Target}

I'll know how 21 feels in a week... I think I've reached the stage in my life where every birthday brings an existential crisis. You know, all the good stuff.

What are some of your favorite summer cocktails? Ideas in 3,2,1...

At what point does it become inappropriate to make birthday wishlists? I'm gonna go ahead and say never.

Who's with me?

// Taylor by Taylor Swift perfume smells amaaazing and I'm constantly questioning why I don't have every single one of my girl's scents. I'm slacking.

// A Dyptique candle that up until recently I've been referring to as "The One All The Bloggers Have." They look like they smell pretty....

// Lorac Pro Palette 2. I love Lorac and I love a good palette. So this is only natural.

// F21. Like maybe an unlimited shopping spree? A girl can dream.

// Bloggers gonna blog shirt. Obviously.

// Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs. I've read that sometimes the VS angels use this before going on the runway and that's enough for me.

// You can never have too many summer reads. These have been on my radar recently!

Anyway, I'm off to sleep because lately my brain has decided to go into work mode at midnight.

Help.

A new era.

Even at one, I had the hang of tearing into presents.

Today I am putting my teenage years into a box and throwing them away, saying goodbye one last time. It's beyond scary facing the fact that I'm truly a "grownup" now, as there are times when I simply do not want to get older. Know that episode of Friends where they all turn 30 and at each birthday Joey is all torn up and dramatic and going "Why God, why??" Yeah. That's me.

But getting older is inevitable, and the more I think about it, the more I'm ready for my 20's. I'm ready for the challenges this decade will bring, and the beautiful opportunities and blessings. There are so many things I long to do, and so many things I still have no idea about. That's okay. This is a time for change and inevitable mistakes and new beginnings. A new era. So here's to my twentieth year.