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I'm currently in the middle of a breakup.
Okay, so technically it's not me that's in the middle of it, but one of my friends is & that's basically the same thing, right? You go through the heartbreak with them, your heart breaking in the process. & the worst part is, you can't fix it, nor can you fix the unsettling feeling of not being good enough.
For the sake of this article, let's call my friend Jane. Jane is one of those rare truly genuine friends you couldn't have picked better if you'd tried. She's smart, strong, and kind, but one strike of a match is all it took for her to feel lesser, small.
Jane is just one woman out of thousands upon thousands who are trapped in 'not good enough' land.
Women are conditioned to let others (especially men) make them feel small. We shrink ourselves until we're no longer the confident, loud, carefree women we came to know and instead a hollowed out shell of that girl. Pavlov told us how difficult it is to become unconditioned to something, which could explain the struggles we face in figuring out who we are and how to not be silenced. As simple as not caring what other people think sounds, it's virtually impossible.
But why?
Everywhere we turn we are bombarded with images of 'the perfect woman.' Long, perfect strands straight out of a shampoo commercial, impossibly thin, perfectly tanned (but still usually white) skin. That has become the standard of beauty & perfection. As if that wasn't enough, we've got the world telling us that nothing we do will be good enough and we will never be equal. It's no wonder we become untrusting and inesecure, these feelings potentially ruining any chance of healthy relationships and even friendships.
It has to stop.
If you've come for the answers on HOW to stop it, you've come to the wrong place. I wish I knew. I thought maybe it would magically come to me as my fingers strummed the keyboard, but I'm just as clueless as I was when I started this post. 'SO WHAT'S THE POINT, KAELEEN?' you ask.
I think the point is that sometimes all we've got is each other, and we should let each other know. We are good enough.
And on the occasions the only one we have is ourselves, still be kind. Tell yourself the things you tell your closest friends. Because babe, you aren't a knockoff.
You're the real thing, worth diamonds & all the finest rosé.
xo,
kae
